Blessed Assurance

Stunning! Isn't it??

Can you believe this, I snap this stunning picture with only my K530i Sony Ericsson Camera phone($0 for 2 years' contract with M1), compared to Philip's Sony's Cyber-shot DSC-H2($700+) which he used to capture the first Sliver Lining. Also, I took this picture through the window of a taxi!

We were on our way to church in a taxi when I happened to look at the sky and saw this magnificent sight! The cloud, the sliver lining, the ray and the silhouette trees, simply breathtaking! I thought I won't be able to capture it's beauty so why bother, just admire it will be good enough, but somehow, since I have my handphone with me, why not give it a try... and SNAP! There you go, a good shot! Praise God!!

More...(I was asking Philip why I have been so longwinded in my blog recently and you know what he said? That age is catching up with me, that the older you are, the more lor'sor(longwinded) you'd become! Oh noooooooooo... :P) Yes, more to write on this picture. Who cares if I'm really getting old... mind you, OLD is GOLD! haha

I was pondering why the "silver linings" we have been seeing so shortly one after another, 1st was Philip, then me. For me, I was in the midst of a "suspected" health's crisis. I was down with a recurrent infections and doctor suspected that I might have diabetes, so she sent me for blood test last week. I am very sure that I do not have this problem because I passed the blood-glucose test during my 30th week of gestation.

Another part of me was worried, this infections occured more than 10 times now, if not because of diabetes(which I strongly believe I'm not diabetic) what could it be?? So I googled and found some horror suggestions that it could be the infamous cancer! Oh no, not again, please!

My mind went back to Nov'2007 when I was heavy with child (Thaddea) at 25weeks gestation, I discovered a painful lump in my left breast and the lump was H.U.G.E. Thought it was pregnancy-induced and would go away so I didn't bother until Philip felt it and alerted me to better get it checked.

Here is what I posted in the 3rd Trimester Forum that I frequent throughout my pregnancy :

Title: 29 wks and found a 4cm lump in my left breast
Posted By: Lydia fr Singapore Mommy to Tiffany 112503 Theophila 102705
Wednesday, 28 November 2007, at 02:54AM

Yup, I need your prayer support, ladies.

4 weeks ago on 1 Nov, I posted in 2nd tri board that I woke up with quite a bad pain in my left breast, which felt like blocked ducts that I had before when bf'ing my DD1 in 2003. I tried to massage it while taking hot showers when I notice that there is actually a lump there. I thought it might go away if I just massage it during every shower. Until my DH felt it and advice me to go see a doctor. So yesterday I went to see a GP and she immediately refer me to see a specialist at NCC(National Cancer Centre) tommorow. Now that got me frightened...

I did a research over the internet and now we are praying that it is just a cyst which can be drained using a fine needle. Pray with me that if I need a biopsy, it would be just a mininal procedure and that it is just a benign lump. Will post again tomorrow after my appt. Thank you for your prayer support :)

Lyd

Yes, the doctor was VERY concerned when she felt the lump and immediately refered me to the specialist at the earliest date available! They call up KKH, CGH & SGH but their available dates were either 2 weeks or much later. Finally they called up NCC and they could get me in within that week, which was 2 days later. It was then that I became aware of my situation... that I'm going to the National Cancer Centre... that the doctor is suspecting I have breast cancer. Oh NO!! What am I going to do if it is for real?? What will happen to my baby? I cannot and must not have breast cancer, because I have 3 girls and I don't want them to inherit this if I really have it. Many things went through my mind...

I googled on breast lumps, breast cancer, breast lumps during pregnancy, characteristics associated with lumps - cancer or benign (non-cancerous), breasts ultrasound scan, biopsy, etc... and found that 70% and 80% of the breast lumps detected during pregnancy are NOT cancerous(happy but sober), could be cyst or Fibroadenomas. The next day when I went for the checkup I requested the Wives' group of my church to uphold me in prayer.

And here is the next post I posted on my checkup at NCC :

Title:Thanks for the hugs and prayers, guess I need more...
Posted By: Lydia fr Singapore Mommy to Tiffany 112503 Theophila 102705
Thursday, 29 November 2007, at 05:23 AM

Firstly, thank God that it was a female senior consultant who saw me so I know I'm in good hand. Also, I had priority due to my pregnancy, I had the consultation and an ultrasound and a biopsy done within just 3 hours.

She felt 2 lumps measuring 6x4cm and 5cm in my left breast (both are huge!), the right breast is OK. She was sure that both lumps are not cyst because they are not round-ish but oval and felt bumpy too. (Not good...)

The ultrasound findings are suspicious for malignancy. The mass is rather ill-defined with a round lymph node which is not good. They scanned the right breast too but thank God it is OK.

The biopsy result would be out next Thursday. If it is malignant, they would have to deliver my baby early (at 30weeks) inorder to remove the lumps in case it spread. I really don't want that to happen, I want my baby to stay-put till full-term. Please pray that the lumps are benign despite the u/s findings. I need a miracle! If benign, we would wait till baby is born to remove the lumps.

Right now, I am not afraid for myself, except for my unborn baby and my children and DH's future if anything would happen to me...

SO, keep me in your earnest prayer.

I'm trusting God to lead us step by step :)

Lyd

Changed into NCC's suit for ultrasound scan

Biopsy specimen

The nurse was so nice to allow me to snap a picture of my (ahem) extracted breast tissues, 5 strips of the fatty tissues soaked in some preservative solution. With all the negative findings, the biopsy result would be the final to tell whether I have cancer or not.

I went back to work with quite a heavy heart, I didn't know what to think of... My mind was still in a swirl when I receive a sms from my sister :

"Lydia，已从 Philip 知道你的事。无论怎样，大姐鼓励你去面对，主给我一个最大的安慰就是你永远在主慈爱的手中，我无需担忧，教会与牧师也必定会为你祷告，相信主必成就美好的事在你的生命中。"

My reply to her was :

"谢谢大姐。其实我不怕，只是担心腹中的宝宝，还有放心不下孩子。Please pray that God will lead us step by step as we trust in Him."

After the reply I realized what was going on in my inmost being.... one part of me was not afraid because I know my God will see me through, be it removing the lumps or the breast, be it having to go through chemotherapy, be it losing my hair, come what may, I would be OK with God by my side. But the other part of me was anxious of what would become of for my family, my girls still need my attention, my husband, and my 30 weeks baby(2 more months to go) who is still in my womb!

It took one week for the result to be out, and I tell you, that one whole week was the most difficult week of my entire life! I googled on the staging of cancer, and it was very frightening... according to the tumor size which is more than 5cm, with Lymph Node Involvement on the same side of the breast, I would be in Stage III! And 5-year Relative Survival Rate for stage III cancer patient is 54%!! How scary was that! I was devastated!!

During that week, I was assigned to be the worship chairman(to lead God's people in praise and worship with songs and exhortations) on that Saturday's prayer meeting, even though I was weak emotionaly and mentally, I didn't call up Pastor to get a replacement, I still went ahead to prepare for it and I was glad I did that because it was then that God strengthen me. Songs I choose were "Healing Grace", "Your grace is sufficent for me" and "Awaken my heart"

Merciful God and Father
Loving us like no other
Hear our prayer the cry of our hearts
As we come to You
We acknowledge our transgression
We confess to You our sins
Show us mercy and compassion
Touch our lives with Your Healing grace again

Release us from our past
As we seek Your face
Wash us free at last
We receive Your love
We receive Your healing grace


Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak
All that I cling to I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

I'm no longer striving to merit Your love
I rest in Your promise to me
That all of my sins have been washed in Your blood
Your mercy is all that I need

You see me as righteous because of the blood
That made the atonement for me
Your mercy has triumphed where I should be judged
So now by Your grace I am free


Awaken my heart
To love and adore You O my Lord
Awaken my heart
To pour out before You O my Lord
Awaken my heart
To know Your love and to love You in return
Freely flowing from an awaken heart

God spoke to me through the songs and ministered to me, before I could even minister to His people in leading the worship. It is so comforting to know that God will touch me with His healing grace. No matter what the outcome might be, God's grace is sufficient for me, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. All that I cling to , my baby, my children and my husband, I just have to lay them at His feet, He will take care of them. His grace is sufficient for us all. I cried through the worship, through the songs, through the exhortations but I emerged victorious and comforted and strengthened. I was brave to face the outcome in the coming Thursday for the result of my biopsy. Thank God for that!

Here is the post on the result of the biopsy :

Title: Negative for malignancy! Hallelujah!!!!
Posted By: Lydia fr Singapore Mommy to Tiffany 112503 Theophila 102705
Friday, 7 December 2007, at 12:44 AM

(Thank you Christina35 and Laurie for praying and asking about me)
Praise be to God who heard and answered our fervent prayers. The lumps are benign which means not cancerous. Indeed God is good and merciful. he has filled our hearts with unspeakable joy. Thank you all so much for your prayer support and words of encouragememnt. May the Lord bless you richly. Amen!

Yesterday I got my biopsy result and when I saw those 3 wonderful words "Negative for malignancy" my tears immediately flood my eyes and I was soooooooooooooooo very thankful to God for His mercy upon me and my family!

God heard my deepest cry, my greatest desire is to carry my baby to full-term (I'm 30wk now), and be able to breastfeed her. I'm granted my wish and this, because of His great mercy. I'm so full of thanksgivings!

I felt I was given a new leash(sp?) of life. That God has forgiven all of my sins and healed me of all my diseases. Now I want to live my life anew first for Him and then for my Dh and children. I want to love God more each day and show love to Dh more too. I'm so thankful to God that I can live to enjoy my children and to see my children's children.

Waiting for the result with a "suspicious for malignancy" u/s findings was like walking in the valley of death. I cried at every kick of my baby girl in my womb, I cried when I look at my children sleeping peacefully, how my heart ached to think that I might not be able to see them grow, to love them, to cuddle them and to care for them. I felt sorry for DH. I was so down in the pit... The only things that kept me hopeful is the word of God and the prayer support of my church and you ladies.

I trusted the Lord that He is good and that all He does is good. I took authorithy in Jesus' Name and prayed against the lumps. My DH fasted and prayed for me. My children held my hands and prayed with me.

I was quite peaceful on tues and wed. Until thurs when I was on my way to the clinic and waiting for my turn outside the room, I felt like I was waiting for my sentences: Life or death penalty, I was expecting the worst but hoping for the best. Afraid but courageous. All mixed up. Then when I saw the report, I was so so thankful to God.

Sorry for being so long winded. So many things went through my mind just for the past few days...
Another prayer request here, they did a Fine Needle Aspiration Biopsy on my lymph node which appeared to be adnormal and they just want to rule out cancer completely. As for the lumps, either they will shrink if not I'll have them surgically remove after my delievery. The lumps could affect my milk production, so we are praying that the lumps be gone so I can fully breastfeed my baby.

So, continue to pray along with me please. I really appreciated that :)

Praise the good Lord!

Lyd

PRAISE THE LORD! Such good news! Before the result on Thursday, every night I would stay awake and hope that all these was just a nightmare and that when I wake up all would be fine, no lumps, no cancer, no need to deliever my baby early.... Indeed, thank God that it is just a nightmare, I am so thankful to wake up from it!! I really felt so relief that my nightmare is over. Later I receive another good news that my lymph node is fine, no cancer is found in there. Praise God!! It is a miracle no doubt about that and I am very thankful to God for His mercy upon me and my family. HALLELUJAH!

I finally gave birth to my beautiful baby on 5 Feb 2008, a full-term baby and she is purrrrrfect! She is now a healthy(8kg!) 6 months old baby :)

The lumps did affect my breastfeedings and that requires another story which I might write about it much later, along with what happen to the lumps which are now G.O.N.E! No traces of them, no surgery, no medication, they just disappear! God is Good!

Phew~ This is the longest post ever! (I'm getting old really) Anyway, thank God that I could just copy and paste my former posts which make it so much easier to share my story. And these posts contain my actual feelings at those tender moment of my life.... the best way of sharing, don't you think so?

I've always wanted to write about this, thank God that I did it! This Silver Lining(x2) has moved me to write about God's great mercy to me, the miracle that God performed in my life.

More... haha! Remember the blood test I was advised to take to test for diabetes? It was out yesterday : I HAVE NO DIABETES! Hurray! The infections were treated with double dose of antibiotics and I'm trusting God for complete healings! Out you go, infections of whatever kind, in Jesus' Name! Amen!

So, once again, thank God for a clean slate of health! Looking at the 2 pictures of silver linings we took, I cannot but have to exclaim : What Blessed Assurance!

"Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits -

who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion"

Psalm 103 : 1 - 3

Thank You, God! Thank You so much!